Leaving for
my home around sunset, I had the feeling I was headed for something ominous. Having had a sense of approaching what I was not prepared for, yet despite the
hazardous mood, I sensed an arrival was imminent and needed. I was feeling porous and
delicate in the dusk shade, as the waning sun seemed to cast a strange
desperation on everything during this time of day. I was overcome by this dark
light that felt like it was siphoning me from behind the mountains with dim,
stretching clouds. My eyes felt feeble and glazed over from that light. Something shifted deep within and I felt a pressure signaling in the distance. I
walked up the metal staircase and reached my apartment. Everything seemed
darker still, and I went in to sit down after feeling so overwhelmed.
I had
returned from driving a friend to an errand and felt a tugging sensation since
leaving her house. The setting sun kept feeling like it was pulling me along
with it, reeling my solidity away. Now that it was nearly night, this enchanting
riptide felt like it was activated and gaining extreme momentum. After sitting for a while and absorbing the
darkness, I started experiencing surges through my body, starting low and
rising into my head. This felt like long hair growing out and flowing as my
eyes were full and heavy. I became concerned with them and went to the bathroom
to look into the mirror to examine myself. My reflection was startling; my eyes
were very shiny and black, seeping and leaking this darkness that was
somehow stretching through me. I had the profound feeling I should not watch
myself for I appeared as a stranger. Looking closer at my broken oily
eyes, I detected that there was no color; they had fully dilated and would not
contract. I felt something build again and the pressure of it was paramount,
pushing me from all sides, closing in as I struggled to breathe. Uncertain, I
considered calling for help, but didn't want to be assumed crazy or drugged. The sensation was terrifying, as if something secret and profoundly powerful
was being revealed, which was required but threatened my preservation.
I went to
lay on my couch, my internal hold began to vanish and I became immobile but tearing through my thoughts with great speed and
clarity. Feeling pulled out of myself in streams and turning to my side, there
was a tall, overgrown garden in my living room. The mounds of interlaced, tall
grasses looked like shiny metallic hair in the dim light, gaining dimension and paralleling my
doubt, I thought strangely. There were masses of other foliage that had a dark,
soft density like a thick forest that led into the distance, yet appeared
manicured and formally arranged. My apprehension grew and I was gradually certain of my destabilization. Nothing was
comforting. I felt feeble and lost being there. It was silent and I felt alone, but
also as if I were being watched by someone in the shadows. The light had a
distinct, iridescent quality that seemed to enhance the forms. They had the
appearance of being painted, except for the shining, thread-like blades of grass
that now reflected various subtle pastel hues. Yet they seemed to glow
independently, emitting unique spectrums assigned to each species into that
uncomfortable dark light.
I suffered
the undeniable sensation that I was leaning over the edge of a chasm, as if I
were about to fall like I sometimes experienced in dreams. The feeling built
again of something pressing, and my breathing again became difficult as my
heart accelerated. I had the sensation of falling, but had to correct my
association as it felt more like being drawn by something magnetic or blown by
a wind, but there was the sense of my location being altered in movement as if
plunging or being in a moving vehicle.
Then
abruptly pulled at an alarming speed to another place, my surroundings seemed
to collapse inwardly and dissipate, crashing into a fluidic emptiness. I was
suspended and there was an illuminated spherical area as my view. Recalling
everything leading up to the event, I couldn't sense my body as I
panicked to return, sensing I was on the verge of annihilation. Falling inward,
my physical form seemed to have disappeared with my previous surroundings. Floating in this curious expanse which felt like it had substance, I
could only wait observantly. I felt the alignment of something powerful in the
vicinity and witnessed the warmth of a golden-glowing orb
situated in front of me. It looked translucent, like amber, but had a shine,
like golden light unique to it alone. The sphere of gold had what appeared to be writing etched in it. My view was immobilized. I
wasn’t familiar with the inscribed language, but it appeared to be indicating
something profound and seemed to be ancient. I was paralyzed by the feeling I
received, as if perceiving beyond my capacity and then lost to myself, as my
sense of entirety severed.
