It was always in the summer time, when I found
myself in some strange but familiar place and state of being. I remember seeing
complete darkness and feeling it as myself erased. There was the effect that I
was floating in space forever in an instant without a body and then I was there
again watched by the familiar omnipotent presence. It was dim, but I detected
something. The violet light seemed to escape from some other room. My
surroundings were reflective reminding me of polished metal, or coated in fluid
like I had seen when viewing the lizards. This overlapped everything making it
feel like the same event fragmented through my life, now continuing seamlessly.
I
could feel somebody studying me and they were akin to my awareness on an
unspoken level. Thoughts and feelings were like words spoken. They knew
exceedingly what was known to me. In some manner I understood exactly what they
were doing and had been aware of it entirely before it had occurred. They had a
test for me. It was some circumstance completely befitting which I comprehended
without knowing, this inherent candidacy. The trial was to reveal something, to
formulate a precise response while undergoing what I can only describe as an
internalized, critical evaluation prevailing some perennial enigmatic
inauguration.
There
was some mistake, some detour to escape, as everything began to crash around
me, lost in a flattening maze, being driven as an extension of this force.
There was no way out of the labyrinth I was in and there was no chance through
or back. I felt extremely apprehensive and undone. Facing this inevitability
felt like it pressed and split me into infinite divisions. Filling me with
anxiety, filtering and imprisoning assuring that time had indeed run out. The
inexpressible pressure applied and released itself as I surrendered and my
subdivided components all joined, becoming aware of their unity. I wondered
what I had been doing roaming this setting so far away and realized it was an
internal place that I had been taken to, and I fell into a grasp of something
immense which had plucked me like some plant, in a vast field being harvested
my memory still rooted. There was a sense of a missing reference where my
familiar view had dwelt with what had been before a sense of a beginning and an
end. Now it seemed I was so far away yet so close to myself.
Then I realized time had not ceased and was no
longer applicable. I lost myself again to the eroding process of contact with
this experience and whatever was directing it until I was merely another facet
of this nothingness and then, I was somehow completely liberated, forgotten to
myself entirely. I knew without a doubt that I had seen beyond the limitations
of my being, somehow traversing beyond my capacity, I detected that this
removed facet was the objective of the examination. Returning to my
conventional state and assimilating this knowing through recall, I sensed my
entirety in this exalted quarantine and realized that delivering this message
back was of the utmost importance.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
I
felt I was the transition between the two states I had been divided between and
yet was existing in those states as well. The witnesses had subjected me to
these modes of being I was experiencing, as I was seeing myself still being
watched by them through the layers. I opened my eyes pretending to be asleep,
yet was still watching myself as if observing in a dream. Terrified, I
stealthily poised my body to spring forward to run, sending an unforeseen
element into the mix I found myself immersed in. My body fled as fast as it
could like a fugitive, feeling trespassed upon, subjected to this process and
it was dark again. I awoke outside in the front yard and could see if anything was
coming, no angles or corners to watch and repeating “ they’re aliens”, when I
realized it was our house and property. There was no barrier between realms it
was a dream awakened, beyond comprehension and yet experienced. The masked
being behind the mannequin world stared through the night. I felt its eyes as
my own and sensed it beneath the guise of the familiar place I had once known.
Nothing was familiar. The other side was right there before us, within, and I
felt like a door left open which I pined to shut or step through permanently so
as to secure my sense of what was real - permanently establishing a view of
comfort and finality with a comprehensible boundary, yet I was physically
knowing the futility of this insistence.
This didn’t change anything really. My heart was
beating fast and powerfully, drumming in sync with the earth, conjured into
cosmic percussion. As I was gasping for air, looking around, the night breathed
with me and I felt illuminated by the immeasurable darkness, like it was mirroring
me under a spotlight. The black sky felt like a massive pupil observing from
infinite stations. I still felt skeptical that I wasn’t dreaming. As easily as
I had arrived here, I knew I could vanish or be summoned. Some part of me was
solely concerned with evading the totality I had glimpsed and the beings
responsible for soliciting that accrued position while another side of me had
found its calling. I sensed their advantage was in acting beyond this physical
side and hoped with all my might that I was anchored here safe and unavailable.
Yet I still felt them watching through what we shared.
